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Sunday, April 27, 2003
ITHACA SUCKS SUNDAY EDITION
April 27, 2003
CIMINELLI DEMANDS FIRST BORN
Negotiations between the City of Ithaca and Buffalo-based Ciminelli Development Co. entered a new phase Friday as the developer of a proposed downtown hotel and office complex came up with fresh demands.
Ithaca's Common Council had previously approved Ciminelli's request for a $50 million tax abatement and 100 years of free parking in order to finalize a contract which would allow construction on the Seneca and Tioga Sts. Site to begin in July. Representatives for Ciminelli returned to the bargaining table Friday with a new demand. Sources inform IS that the developer's new request calls for the surrender of every Ithacan resident's first born for the duration of the agreement.
Mayor Alan Cohen held a press conference in City Hall to denounce the new demands as "unreasonable, totally unthinkable."
Common Council is currently studying Ciminelli's proposal and plans to hold a vote next Wednesday.
LOCAL ACTIVISTS PLAN NORTH KOREAN FESTIVAL
Reacting to critics of this week's Ithaca French Festival, Paul Glover, a longtime area activist, told IS Friday that he and a group of organizers are planning a North Korea Day to be held in June.
"Ithacans like a good festival. If the local Republican Party doesn't like French toast because it's not patriotic, let them gag over dim sum."
Organizers plan to construct a mock nuclear reactor on the Ithaca Commons and hold a parade to honor Kim Jong II, North Korea's quirky President for Life.
A group of area residents, who had previously joined a boycott against French-imported products, are looking for ways to show their displeasure at Glover's new proposal.
"We've searched all over Wegman's for something North Korean to boycott. It came down to ginseng. A good share of the world's supply of ginseng happens to come from North Korea. We've got Viagra - who needs some Oriental root in a jar." Joe Kelly, spokesperson for Ithacans Against Pyongyang, told IS.
Download a 2.2 mb Korean Language Kit to your computer for only $29.95 so you can read the Ithaca Sucks Sunday Edition in Korean. Call 1-800 - xxx-xxx for details
MAYORAL CANDIDATE: ITHACA NEEDS DOG TRACK
Carolyn Peterson, 3rd Ward councilwoman and one of 400 Ithaca mayoral candidates, called Friday for a study to determine whether greyhound racing would be a feasible way to raise revenue for the city.
"We need to think out of the box when it comes to reviving Ithaca's failing economy," Peterson told IS Friday in an exclusive iterview. "Ithacans love dogs. Why not make them work for the community?"
OTHER WORLD NEWS
Rumsfeld: Saddam Wore Dresses, Owned Over 200 Versace Gowns.
Bush Appeases Moslems, Make Ramadan National Holiday.
Ashcroft: Bring Back Loyalty Oaths.
New US Spam Threat: Eat At Osama's.
Powell To UN - Belgium Has Weapons of Mass Destruction.
BUSINESS NEWS
10,000 Villages: An Ithaca Success Story
As this popular Ithaca business prepares to move into larger quarters next to Wildwear, owner Ottoline Morell took a minute out to reflect on the store's success.
"Ithacans love things that are kind of exotic. We literally sold hundreds of those little shrunken heads we brought in from the Amazon. Folks around here also like to think that they're doing something to make global trade more equitable. Moving into a larger space makes a lot of sense for us. Now we'll be able to display all kinds of larger objects like the elephant tusks we ordered from Kenya. We also made a deal for a couple of Iraqi tanks, you know, left over from Operation Iraqi Freedom. They'll make an idea backyard play set for kids. The people in Iraq are so creative. They painted "Bush is a Nazi" in Arabic all over the gun barrels. Ithaca is a progressive, political kind of town."
Ms. Morrell started the business several years ago in her home when she stumbled across python skins stuffed with down in a small shop in Rio. "They had been sewn by Amazonian villagers deep in the rainforest. Immediately I said to myself, people back home in Ithaca would love these. It all started from that simple beginning. In a week, I was headed into the jungle with a supply of hoolahoops and frisbees to trade with."
"We're trying a new concept this Spring here in the United States. You know, fair trade starts at home. We're calling the program '1,000 Prisons.' We're going to get prisoners from all over the country to make small woven baskets for us. It helps them to earn a little money for the things they need to make life more comfortable and provides them with skills training. Folks love the kind of stuff they do - all those hidden compartments and symbols they weave into the baskets."
ITHACA SUCKS TECHNOLOGY SECTION
Battlefield Technology For the Man in the Street
Military technology used in urban combat in Iraq may soon be available for everyday use.
A company in Virginia is manufacturing night vision goggles that cost less than $50. The Urban Warrior Corporation started in 1993 by a couple of Desert Storm veterans has created a pair of goggles such as one the one worn by the psychopath in Silence of the Lambs that can be worn to offset the advantage afforded to predators who use the cloak of darkness to surprise their victims. No longer will city dwellers have to fear walking the streets at night. The lightweight goggles come in different colors and sizes. They can easily be carried in a purse or pocket.
Another innovation right off the battlefield is a miniature computerized personal navigator that fits right on a keychain. Never get lost in a strange place and never have to depend on strangers for wrong directions again. Used by desert warriors in Iraq, the smart chip encased in a plastic cylinder resembling a compass actually sends a signal to a global positioning satellite that computes the owner's coordinates. Say you'll visiting Ithaca and looking for the Moosewood Restaurant. Instead of being sent to Groton on a wild goose chase, you'd simply type in a request. The satellite will flash back a city map of Ithaca providing detailed directions to get to the popular vegetarian eatery. Nicknamed "Nomad", the device is expected to retail for less than $175.
ITHACA SUCKS COMMUNITY CALENDAR
The Ithaca Society of ex-Priests and Nuns will hold its monthly meeting Wed May 5th at the Unitarian Church on Buffalo St. A lecture is scheduled on The Polish Captivity of the RC Church. Starts at 8:00 pm.
Taoists for Jesus will meet at Annabel Taylor Hall on Friday, May 7, 7 pm to discuss Christian Feng Shui.
Hazardous waste collection Saturday. Put your plutonium, asbestos, drug syringes, land mines, and Sarin gas canisters out before 12 am for pick up.
The CU Tamil Tigers will meet at Anabel Taylor Hall Friday May 7th at 10 pm to discuss plans for a camouflage sale to raise funds for fighters in Indonesia.
ITHACA SUCKS CLASSIFIEDS
Paid Informers Needed! Rat on your underground comrades and get paid for it! Call 1-800-xxxx-xxx . US Justice Dept.
Symbionese Liberation Army t-shirts for sale. The spirit never dies! Call 277-xxxx.
Refrigerator boxes available! Live outside this summer and save on rent! Call Jake, 27-xxxx.
Iraqi Treasures! We have 5,000 year old tiles from the Hanging Gardens! Perfect lawn ornaments. And more! Limited time only! 277-xxxx. Blast from the Past Bric-a Brac.
Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 9:49 AM
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