A Journal of Humor and Verbal Anarchy

 

spin doctors

Ezra wants a date with Anora Nervina.

Anora writes for the Ithaca Times. In other words she's a spin doctor. At the Times they're not called reporters anymore. (The Ithaca Journal reports the news, the Times covers the scene. That's a kind of arrangement they worked out.)

Ezra has never laid eyes on Anora but she's managed to seduce him nonetheless. Seduction by name. Can you say Mata Hara. Doesn't the name Mata Hara conjure up dangerous, forbidden beauty, espionage, foreign intrigue, the allure of winding cobblestone streets in distant Central European capitals , smoky cafes?

Anora Nervina has the same effect on Ezra. Incidentally, is she in any way related to Anorexia Nervosa? Honestly, what kind of name is Anora Nervina? Someone's idea of a joke? I hope she's under FBI surveillance. She sounds vaguely Middle Eastern.

In the March 19th issue of the Business Times supplement, Anora wrote:

"One can experience first hand what Ithaca truly is by simply drinking a beer, enjoying a delicious ice cream cone, or starting their morning off with a freshly brewed cup of Joe.

After the first bite or sip, they will realize that Ithaca is a flavorful mixture of diversified cultures, blended together with ingenuity, and brewed to perfection, producing a community made up of individuals that welcome innovation and exemplify the true meaning of entrepreneurial spirit." Ithaca Times - Business Times

What absolute clarity of thought, total simplicity of language, unbelievable perfection of syntax? What a crock of shit. It pains me to say that, Anora. One kills the thing he loves. You, sweet Anora, are obviously a journalistic black widow, so painfully beautiful but completely lethal, concise but deadly.

Sorry, Anora, you lovely purveyor of fluff, you. It just wouldn't work out. Our relationship isn't in the stars. We face each other across a battleground of words, sworn enemies, committed to each other's complete annihilation. You are here to praise Ithaca for money and Ezra's here to bury it for free.

And you ask Ezra, what's wrong with Ithaca? There's not enough negativity! Every thing is spin. Like calling a minimum wage job -doing what you love to do. Washing dishes for a great restaurant. Throwing out the garbage for a wonderful employer. Enjoying 6 months of snow. Having a beautiful view of the recycling center. All you get is a blankityblank sales pitch! Everybody in Ithaca is selling you all the time on how great the place is. How would you ever know if the beer was flat, there was a fly in the ice cream or the coffee tasted like it was grown in a jar? We can't say that in front of the customers, can we?

One day Ezra's going to write a book in praise of negativity. For now, he'll leave you with an excerpt from Tom Stoppard's play Rosencrantz and Guilderstein Are Dead.


Rosencrantz: Do you think death could possibly be a boat?
Guildenstern: No, no, no...Death is...not. Death isn't. You take my meaning. Death is the ultimate negative. Not-being. You can't not-be on a boat.
Rosencrantz: I've frequently not been on boats.
Guildenstern: No, no, no - what you've been is not on boats.

It has very little to do with what Ezra's talking about but it's a cool quote anyway.

Anora, if you read this, send me an e mail.

Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 12:01 AM