A Journal of Humor and Verbal Anarchy

 

welcome, sinners

Ithaca Reformed Church of Cyberspace
"Where you'll find Jesus on the Internet"

Pastor Rev. Billy Bob Ezra Kidder, DDS,MSW, DD, Ph.G.
Services Day or Night, 24 hrs. a day

Web Address http://www.ithacasucks.blogspot.com iscenral@hotmail.com
Mailing Address: POB#4057, Ithaca, NY 14850
Checks or Money Orders payable to:
Rev Ezra Kidder

Internet Sermonette for April 29, 2003

You get dozens of Spam messages every day, don't you, sinners. Hundreds a week. Offering you everything from porno to Viagra to free cash. Isn't that true, brothers and sisters? You feel bombarded, overwhelmed, frustrated, mad as all Hell. Every time you open your e-mail there's more junk mail. Your filters are working overtime. It seems like the web is turning into one big Sodom and Gomorra. Tell me it isn't so, sinners?

But let me ask you a simple question. Have you received an e- mail from Jesus lately? Have you bothered to read it? Did you know that Jesus has a site on the Internet? Did you know that God not only has angels to help Him do his work, that he also has servers and routers?

Cyberspace can be a pretty sinful place, brothers and sisters. But there is a ray of hope coming to you across the network. The Rev. Billy Bob Ezra is offering you something that you won't find anywhere else. He's offering you Redemption. He's offering you Salvation. The Rev. Billy Bob Ezra is offering you Grace. You can surf the Internet and still be in a state of grace, brothers and sisters. Yes, you can.You don't have to live in the stone age, you don't have to spend all your time in church, chanting and hollering Hallelujah. You don't have to handle snakes, you don't have to speak in tongues, you don't have to jump into those muddy waters to be baptized in the name of Jesus.

That one single ray of hope on the vast jungle we call the world wide web is the Rev. Billy Bob Ezra's Church of Cyberspace. The place you'll find Jesus, sinners. You don't have to hack it, please don't attack it, it's a sin to whack it, you don't have to put up with all the racket. That's poetry, sinners. The Church of Cyberspace brings you the poetry of the word. And we're not talking about Wordperfect either. We'll talking about the Word of God. Jesus is bigger than Bill Gates, sinners.

The Gospel is stronger than Microsoft, brothers and sisters. It wasn't Al Gore who created the Internet, sinners, it was the Lord. You better believe it, brothers and sisters. He's in charge of programming. He runs the MIS dept, sinners. Jesus knows what's going on your website. He keeps track of all 3 billion websites. Yes, He does.

You better open your e mail from Jesus, sinners. You better listen to what He has to say. He wants you to write out a check. Jesus wants you to take out your credit card. The Holy Ghost wants you to fill out the form below. Click the button. Send your contribution to the Rev. Billy Bob Ezra's Church of Cyberspace. The Lord wants you to do your share to keep the Gospel alive on the Internet. Yes, He does, sinners.

Have a nice day!
Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 6:30 AM