A Journal of Humor and Verbal Anarchy

 

what if

John Humphrey Noyes, founder of the Oneida Community, infamous proponent of Christian communism and 'complex marriage' met Ezra Cornell, founder of Cornell University?

You might have had Love University.

Instead of an International Labor Relations School , Cornell might have had a Relationship Institute.

Instead of a Vet college, Cornell might have had a Puppy Love school.

Dr. Ruth might have been Dean of Students. Imagine that.

Kinsey might have written his groundbreaking Sex and the Human Male in Ithaca.

Forget the agtech. Bring on the lovetech.

Do you know, the fact is that Noyes actually did live in Ithaca in 1837 . He published the first issue of his newspaper, The Witness here. After walking 140 miles from Kingston, NY - no Super 8's in those days! - to be closer to his lifelong soulmate , Abigail Merwin, who later bolted, leaving Noyes to drown his sorrows at the Chanticleer (?)

Holy cow, could he have possibly bumped into Ezra's namesake.? Is there something we didn't know about Ezra Cornell? How EC might have spent some of his millions, for instance.

A whole new field of research opened up today when we stumbled upon this little known fact about Noyes in Spencer Klaw's excellent Without Sin, a study of the Oneida Community.

Complex marriage, if you didn't already know, was a buzzword for free love, 19th Century style. At Oneida . this meant that John Humphrey decided which of his disciples had nookie , and with whom, and who got sent to the cold showers. And John Humphrey took it upon himself to initiate all the young female acolytes when they reached puberty. Which made him the David Koresh of upstate New York.

The Oneida Community in upstate New York lasted for 30 years or so, then dissolved as a love nest when some irate followers of Anthony Comstock came around, shouting 'Sinners!" John H. hopped a train to Canada. The less amorous, more business-oriented disciples of Noyes stuck around to run the silverware company that had been founded to provide a little industry when folks weren't trysting. The Oneida Flatware Company was recently sold to some conglomerate or another.

Noyes worked out a lot of his ideas about complex marriage in Ithaca before moving on to New Haven, Putney, Vt , and finally, Oneida, NY. Not much is known (so there is so very much to speculate) about his stay in Ithaca.

Did Ezra Cornell catch the love bug? Did he fund a secret love nest by the shores of Cayuga Lake? A little love shack for EC and close friends to exchange sacred bodily fluids? Somebody should also check out EC's flatware too, while they're at it.

Maybe we should continue John Humphrey's work where he left off. You know, it's time to turn the whole thing over to the Rev. Billy Bob Ezra's Church of Cyberspace. There's nothing like leftover love.
Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 1:54 AM