A Journal of Humor and Verbal Anarchy

 

a gorges mind

Interviews with Mental Giants and Emotional Midgets, Vol 1 - Ronnie Qed, 12 yr Cornell Ph.D.

Our Ithaca Sucks reporter caught up with Ronnie outside a stall in the men's room at Olin Library where he had just spent 2 hours disproving the main points of Pythorgoras in a tiny but neat script all over the gun metal grey walls of the cubicle. Several other doctoral candidates were poring over his work as Ronnie's dad reminded him to wash his hands before leaving the bathroom.

It was graduation day. Ronnie was about to receive his fifth doctorate from Cornell in 2 years, this one from the Philosophy Dept for his work in the arcane field of intuitionist logic. Our reporter was immediately struck by how average-looking Ronnie appeared - a cross between Harry Potter and the kid in the Munsters with the very pale complexion. He was virtually drowning in his black academic gown
with the mortar board occasionally slipping down to cover most of his face. It seems that they don't make graduation gear for 4 foot tall 12 year olds with IQ's of 475.

Ronnie make look like your average 12 year old but there's nothing average about his brain. Our reporter found that out when he starting asking Ronnie about how he felt on this big day.

IS: So what does it feel like to get your fifth Ph.D. in 2 years?

R: If we restate the question in this form: ``Is it impossible to construct infinite sets of real numbers between 0 and 1, whose power is less than that of the continuum, but greater than aleph-null?,'' then the answer must be in the affirmative; for the intuitionist can only construct denumerable sets of mathematical objects and if, on the basis of the intuition of the linear continuum, he admits elementary series of free selections as elements of construction, then each non-denumerable set constructed by means of it contains a subset of the power of the continuum.

IS: Ok. How does it feel to stand out there on the podium knowing that you're the youngest PH.D. candidate in Cornell's history?

R: Let us consider the concept: ``real number between 0 and 1.'' For the formalist this concept is equivalent to ``elementary series of digits after the decimal point'', for the intuitionist it means ``law for the construction of an elementary series of digits after the decimal point, built up by means of a finite number of operations.'' And when the formalist creates the ``set of all real numbers between 0 and 1,'' these words are without meaning for the intuitionist, even whether one thinks of the real numbers of the formalist, determined by elementary series of freely selected digits, or of the real numbers of the intuitionist, determined by finite laws of construction.

IS: I see. So tell me what your other hobbies are besides mathematics, physics, Persian sub-dialects, 12th Century Welsh poetry and philosophy. Do you like to play baseball?

R: Z.B. ist die Punktmenge: ``alle reellen Zahlen zwischen 0 und 1 mit Ausnahme der endlichen Dualbrüche'', nur deshalb eine wohlkonstruierte Menge, weil die duale Entwicklung einer willkürlichen Zahl dieser Menge eine Fundamentalreihe von endlichen Gruppen von gleichen Ziffern (abwechselnd 0 und l) liefert, so daß die Menge sich mittels einer Fundamentalreihe von Auswahlen unter den endlichen Zahlen bestimmen läßt. Dieser Schritt geht freilich weiter als mein römischer Vortrag

IS: I'm not sure I understood your answer. But that's ok. What do you and your folks plan to do after the ceremony? Are you plannig
to go to McDonald's?

R: It is possible to define a bounded decimal number by demanding that a thousand persons each write an arbitrary digit. One will have a well-defined number if the persons are put in line each writing in turn a digit at the end of the digits already written by those in front in the line. The disagreement starts when one tries to extend this procedure to an unbounded decimal number. I do not suppose that people dream of actually having an infinite number of persons each writing an arbitrary digit, but I believe that Mr. Zermelo and Mr. Hadamard think that it is possible to regard such a choice realized in a perfectly well-defined way even if the complete definition of the number contains an infinite number of words. For my part I think it is possible to pose problems about probability for decimal numbers which are obtained by choosing the digits either randomly or by imposing certain restrictions on the choice-restrictions leaving some randomness to the choice. But I think it is impossible to talk about one of these numbers for the reason that if one denotes it by A, two mathematicians talking about A would never be sure whether they were talking about the same number.

IS: Well.....ah....Yeah, ok. You be sure to have a nice day. Seeya.

Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 7:26 AM