A Journal of Humor and Verbal Anarchy

 

there's no biz....

Ithaca Sucks has been so successful that Ezra is considering launching a new blog.

Business Sucks

Now you got it. Ezra wants to be the virtual Malcolm Forbes of little Ithaca, New York. He wants to run a veritable self-publishing industry stretching across cyberspace, To have his advertising banner floating over other people's blogs. Then the dough will really start rolling in.

Ezra's going to name his first yacht BLOGGER BABY I. Set it right out there on Cayuga Lake (if Cayuga Lake's still there at that point. Someday, you might have to visit Cayuga Lake up at Cornell - those guys keep sucking the waters up to campus with that big straw they use, one day they might forget to return it.) Ezra's going to find a 22 year old blonde first mate he calls his 'daughter.' Hire a tanker to fuel the boat right on the water so he'll never have to return to shore. Just like L. Ron Hubbard. Bloginetics.

Why the choice of 'Business Sucks' , you ask?

Have you been down on the Commons lately? Checked out all the shops languishing, ready to go out of business for lack of customers? How many empty store fronts are there downtown anyway? Do you guess 5? 10? Now Ithaca Logos is going out of biz. (Does that mean Ithacans won't be logical?) Who's next? 10,000 Villages has to depend on volunteers, Autumn Leaves pays their employees off in Ithaca Hours, the local funny money, which they can only use in Autumn Leaves. Try to walk in to A Plus and buy a bag of chips, flashing an Ithaca Hour.

Business isn't particularly booming downtown if you haven't noticed. But that's not what Ezra's new blog is about.

Business Sucks because it's a crummy way to spend a life.

Why, you ask? Because only some of the people in business get rich. The rest take a vow of poverty. They swell the growing ranks of that group known as the disposable ones. Ezra is thinking that 90% of Americans fit in that category .They just don't know it yet. Human plastic razors. Living, breathing towelettes. America is a disposable society and things aren't the only things we throw out.

8 million Americans are out of work, another 8 million have dropped down to working part-time. Another 4 million have dropped out of the employment picture entirely. On any given day, it seems that half of them might have moved to Ithaca. In Ithaca, you have more shoplifters than actual shoppers. Stores are giving away gift certificates with every third conviction.

America is filling up with Willy Lomans. I guess not enough people have read Arthur Miller's play Death of a Salesman to figure it out yet. Willy Loman was the washed up salesman who keep dreaming about the good ole' days. The good ole' days are dead and gone. But, seriously, talking about the aesthetics of biz, have you seen Glengarry Glen Ross? One of Ezra's favorite movies. Ezra always identified with the character played by Alec Baldwin. Ezra worked for several guys just like that, minus the good suits and the obvious smell of expensive cologne. Sharks. To work for these guys you had to make yourself indispensable, work 36 hours a day, or just sprinkle yourself with salt.

Does Ezra feel like Willy Loman? Sometimes Ezra feels like he was the one that got away. Other times he thinks he's still in the bait pool. Ezra still works. Still makes a living, sucking up to bosses, ruining his eyes and his health sitting in front of business machines 5 days a week like some doomed sacrificial lamb. Only difference is, deep inside Ezra could care less if his boss makes a cent more than the amount of Ezra's paycheck. A self-defeating attitude? Sure, one day Ezra's going to be out pounding the sidewalks looking for another job with that kind of mindset, right? Ezra hopes not. He's been around long enough to know when it's showtime. When he feels that the bottom line is sagging too much, he springs into action. Comes up with an idea to make his boss money. Like, how about we take the CLOSED sign off the window so customers will know we're open? My boss says, Ezra, I think we'll keep you around a little longer.

Keep your eye out for future issues of Business Sucks.
Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 6:08 AM