Founders DayIthaca needs more parades. Everyone loves a good parade. Even Ez, eternal cynic, self-imagined iconoclast, and self-elected pisser on other folks' parades that he is. Ez used to love watching newsreels of the May Day parade in Red Square in Moscow. That endless procession of ICBM's, vodka-complected veterans of the Great Patriotic War, the Internationale blaring from loudspeakers, wigged out and furry-hatted party leaders in their dotage waving wanly from the top of Lenin's tomb.
The Gradys could organize something like that. You bet. A Peterbilt tractor towing a 40ft long float with a scale replica of the Triphammer Recruiting Center, befreckled Irish holding a huge banner that reads "Remember the St. Pat's Four." Phalanxes of anti-war demonstrators carrying placards and symbolic coffins. Hell, you could include a Bloodmobile or two, the IPD Swat van (more on that in a future blog.) Green Star would want to get in on the action. Probably bake up a giant block of tofu carved into the shape of a peace symbol. Don't get Ezra wrong now. He's against the war as much as the next guy. That's the problem. But organizing a peace rally in Ithaca, New York is preaching to the converted. It would take more moxy to hold it in Groton.
The Ithaca Festival parade just doesn't cut it. Let's face, a Volvo ballet. Why don't they just advertise for General Motors while they're at it. Or sneak in some more interesting models like the one below.
Saddam Hussein, according to sources, received $1.8 billion in contracts from global companies like Siemens and Volvo while the people of Iraq starved. More recently, Volvo received $30 million in contracts from the US puppet government of Iraq to supply construction equipment. Yeah, let's help Volvo out with some free advertising, Ithaca.
Another popular feature of the IF parade are the social work floats. Ithaca is, after all, the social work capital of the US with more case workers per capita than any comparably sized city. Ez is surpised that DSS doesn't have a float like Loaves n Fishes, with case workers handing out public assistance forms to the crowd.
Ez envisions another kind of parade. He's been talking about it for years. Ithaca needs a Founders Day parade. Ithacans have spent a lot of time talking about renaming State St MLK Blvd. Ez has no problem with that. If there is one figure that stands out in the long course of American history, head and shoulders above the babykillers, union busters, enemies of the poor, warmongers, etc that we include in the pantheon of national heroes, it's Dr. King.
But how about General John Sullivan? That vainglorious, ever-contentious, black haired lawyer from New Hampshire. After all, isn't John Sullivan the real founder of Ithaca?
Sullivan was the man charged by George Washington with solving the "Indian" problem in the northeast. A little background is in order for the history-challenged. The Iroquois Confederation, the loose polity of nations
that made up the indigenous presence in this part of the world, waffled between siding with the British or the colonist upstarts during the American Revolution. By means of reprisal, Washington ordered Sullivan into Iroquoia with a large contingent of troops. Between 1778-1779, Sullivan pillaged and burned a wide swath of territory between what is now Pennsylvania and New York. Sometime in Sept, 1779, a detachment of Sullivan's army led by Lieut.-Colonel William Butler burned down a Tutolo settlement, then called Coreogonal, in the vicinity of Buttermilk Falls near what is Bostwick Rd. The poor Tutelos had previously been forced out of North Carolina by advancing white settlements and had been absorbed into the Cayuga Nation.
Now Coreogonel happens to be on land owned by Eco-Village. That's right, folks. The iconic Eco-Village, poster child of sustainable capitalism, where condos go for upwards on $100K, Yuppie Paradise. Where alpha males with greying pony tails, wearing $250 pairs of coveralls, grow organic squash that they then sell at the Farmer's Market for $12 per lb.to other alpha males and their families.
Outside of the obvious place names and the occasional historical marker, Ithacans have been rather ambivilant about recognizing their huge debt to the indigenous peoples whose land they now occupy. It took over 225 years to come up with a park commermorating the poor Tutelos.
Ain't that a nice gesture.
Ez is no bleeding heart liberal. What is done is done. There is no point in giving Ithaca back to the descendants of the Tutelos or Cayuga Nation. They wouldn't want it, anway. Too many potholes. The Cayugas would take one look at Rt 13 and, either puke at what white Ithaca has wrought on their flood plain or go into Wal-mart to buy something for the kids. Perhaps, we could consider giving them a little land to open a gambling casino. Ez recommends that parcel of land next to Eco-Village as an ideal location. Imagine driving up to the new Coreogonal Casino and Amusement Park,having your Volvo valet-parked, and be ushered into the casino by a gentlemen who looks like this -
So let's start planning that parade now. Who could we get to play Gen. Sullivan? Caroline Peterson, Dan Hoffman, no, I got it. Al Cohen. You know, there is a slight resemblance when you get down to it. Al was one of Ithaca greatest mayors, a fine restauranteer to boot. He once considered purchasing a wooden cigar store Indian figure for the entrance of Simeon's but was talked out of it by his staff. Ez thinks we was misguided. We should always follow our first instincts. Being politically correct is a cop out, the last fig leaf of the liberal conscience. What did political correctness ever do for the poor Tutelos. Don't you agree?
Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 6:54 AM
