A Journal of Humor and Verbal Anarchy

 
Non-intelligent Design

Ez recently recalls reading in the Ithaca Journal that the president of Cornell University, in an address to the faithful, otherwise known as the State of the University, weighed in on the issue of intelligent design. Rawlings claimed that intelligent design was not science. Now, some would claim that the reverse, as well, was true. This possiblly explains how science could be suckered into splicing together a device that, in a flash, could undo the work of millions of years of unintelligible plodding by Mother Nature. Well, intelligent design might be repackaged creationism, but Rawlings faith in science is slightly misplaced.
No, this is not a photograph of the Theory Center at Cornell. It's a photograph of Chernobyl after the meltdown. But, to Ez's knowledge, the University, thank goodness, doesn't have any enriched uranium. Nor do they have a reactor capable of producing weapons grade plutonium. Which is a load off Ez's mind, right? You can let the Iranians have that shit, just don't let Big Red near it! Can you imagine that? If Cornell had plutonium. It would bring intercollegiate rivalries to a new all time low. See the headlines? BIG RED STOMPS DARTMOUTH.

Anyone interested in the idea of intelligent design should attempt to drive down State St. hill at 8:30 am. As you wait at the interesection of Mitchell St for every friggin' SUV and Sports Utililty in Tompkins County to wend their way up to Cornell, you appreciate the life in the shadow of Big Red doesn't always conform to rational expectations. What would it cost them to put in a traffic light? Really now? Here are cars backed up Rt 79 as every one who lives on the other three hills tries to make it to work on this one. Stupid! Hey,remember the Octopus? Google Octopus and Ithaca some day but watch out for the all the shit that comes at you from the Dewitt Historical Society website. I mean, there are more popup windows than Carter had liver pills, which, for those of you born after 1970, is a figure of speech and ingenious form of advertising from a gentler, less complicated period in history - a time before the drug companies started producing products that could control every aspect of human behavior and functioning. What did Grandpa do before they produced Viagra? Before the acronym "E-D" entered everyday usage? Well, Ez will save you the trouble, looking up the Octopus. The octopus refers to the convergence of Rts. 96, 89, 13A and 79 at the inlet. At one point, thanks to a bridge built by Mayor Kiley, the bridge of Frankenstein, you might call it, all four roads crossed the inlet at one spot. Imagine that. Intelligent design at work for your tax dollars. It took nearly 35 years for the city of Ithaca to fix the problem by constructing another bridge. Anyway, Ez inevitably has lost the thread.

We're talking about the Masters of the Universe up on the Hill. The folks who are sucking Cayuga Lake up East Hill in a giant straw. And, when no one is looking, dumping who knows what back in the lake. Could that be why Cayuga Lake has that irridiscent glow at sunset?

President Rawlings claims that Cornell is really working at being a good academic citizen of an interconnected world, his words. Ez thinks that Cornell is just interested in making money and to hell with the consequences. He(Ez) has talked to you many times about some of the two headed cats that CU has let out of the bag: the milk cow with 40 tits, the fat-free pig, the broccoli with a genetically imprinted bar code that CU designed for Wal-Mart's grocery division, the car that runs on cow flops. You've head it all before in this blog. Who the hell else would have given up a promising career as an illustrator of braille books to give you the scoop on Big Red? Well, nothing Ez has told you previous rivals the information he's going to give you now. This is disturbing. The images you are about to see are disturbing. Not intended for children or sex offenders. But, Ez has stumbled upon reports of secret research that Cornell scientists are conducting on the human genome. That's right, guys,who don't believe in intelligent design, are screwing around with the mysteries of human life.
So, if you're out on spring break down in Daytona Beach, hanging out with buddies, doing funnels and all that shit that college students do, ingesting massive amounts of alcohol, burning through condoms like they were kleenex, you might stumble upon these examples of intelligent design in action.

Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 5:10 PM