Woodpecker MadnessWhat's all this fuss about an Ivory-Billed Woodpecker? Big f-----g deal, as they say in the extinction business. Ez has to laugh. Does Cornell have one of these?
So some guy at Cornell discovered a woodpecker in the swamps of Ga. or someplace? So what. The Ivory-Billed Woodpecker has only been thought to be extinct for the last 50 or so years. Hey, this nifty little specimen has been flying around Ez's backyard for the last 2 million years. What do you think it eats? Corn chips.Not just any corn chips. Fritos Flavor Twists Cheddar Ranch Flavored Corn Chips. Ez also puts out a bucket of medium hot salsa. The Ez makes a beehive back to the house. No way would Ez want to linger in the flight path of this sucker.
At first, you think the sun might have temporarily ducked behind a cloud. That would explain the sudden change of light. Then you notice the shadow cast by its 50 foot wing span splayed across the lawn. Then you hear this sound like a Boeing 727 is going to land in your back yard. You dont' know what to expect. And then you see it.This giant gas from the past is parked in your yard, its long pointed beak calmly going about it's business, scooping up a billfull of corn chips, dipping them into the salsa, then kicking its head back like a robin sucking up a nice juicy worm. Within seconds, lunch is over.
The only problem with having a peterodactyl in your backyard is when it comes time to go on vacation. You don't. This isn't a low maintenance type of bird. Forget to feed it one day, and it'll visit the bird feeder in the neighbor's yard. Ez made that mistake once. The stupid sucker ate the neighbor. A pair of gardening gloves and a sneaker was all that was left. Shit!
Hey, Cornell, get the maximum mileage out of your silly, garden variety woodpecker. Like people really care about woodpeckers. What they really want is something to keep them amused. When all is said or done, Ez will have the final clucking rights. Truth is that Ez is in the process of working out a deal with the Smithsonian and Disney World. Jurrassic Park, Ithaca Style. Imagine this.
THE EXPERIENCE OF A LIFETIME. RIDE THE 2 MILLION OLD PETERODACTYL. ONLY IN ITHACA! What the Cardiff Man did for Syracuse is a drop in the bucket compared to what Ez's corn chip munching Peterodactyl will do for Ithaca.
Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 3:55 PM
