Ask an elitistIn the process of wrapping up, fish n' chips style, a 30lb Peruvian blowfish the other day, an article in the Ithaca Urinal caught Ez's attention. The Urinal is running a series titled Ask A Scientist. Cool, dudes. In it, some photogenic, eugenetically superior chick from Cornell with an expensive PhD was discoursing intelligently on conifer trees. What a gas, Ez thought. Ithacasucks should have a column like that.
So, Ez started flipping through his rolodex to find someone from up on the Hill who would consent to be a guest columnist. Let's be honest, readers, outside of the kitchen staff and dish crew, there aren't that many folks at Cornell who would go on record with a weblog named Ithaca Sucks. But Ez perservered, agreed to furnish ski masks at no extra charge, even threw in a case of Saranac beer to sweeten the pot so - without further adieu, ask an elitist!
Reinhard von Bingenslingen
Education: Munich University, B.A., UCLA, Berkeley, PhD., Cornell, Ed.
Interests: Population Studies, Ethnography
Hobbies: Fencing, Wild boar hunting, Skeet Shooting, Eugenics
RvB: Whas kind of name is Ezra Kidder? Was is your nationality, please?
EK: Irish. I'm Irish.
RvB: Das gut.
EK: Please tell us, Prof. von Bingenslingen, why do people on the Hill feel so superior to the folks downtown?
RvB: Das is easy. Die volk, I mean, the people on the Hill represent the future of civilization. They are intellectually superior, have higher SAT scores, come from the finest social backgrounds, have access to the finest research facilities and teachers in the world, and, finally, they study 18 hours a day to grasp the principles that guide the universe. There is no doubt that they are superior in every way. Do you have doubts, Herr Kidder?
EK: No, Professor ... you're right on the money. What's your partner's name? Do they allow uniforms like that on the Hill?
RvB: Dat is Otto. He is my research assistant. He is in ROTC. Ya?
Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 5:57 AM
