the place to be
Good choice, McGee! Whatever your neurosis, whatever your disease, no matter how little time you have left to live, no reason to worry how fucked up you are, you've come to the right place.
The Booster Squad from Ithaca's Chamber of Commerce has been out scouring the country again for endorsements for our tiny hamlet of insanity. Recall, if you will, how, several years ago, they suckered Utne Magazine into naming Ithaca "of the most enlightened communities in America." What you didn't know at the time is that Newark, New Jersey topped the list that year. Chamber of Commerce stoolies went around town buying up all the copies of that issue of Utne so NO ONE IN ITHACA ACTUALLY SAW THE ARTICLE. It was a joke! Those poor Utne fools had to spend a week in rehab, however, and that was no joke. They're still having flashbacks! "what the fuck did they put in my tofu? LSD?"
Following up on that triumph, Ithaca has once again been in the news as a magnet city. In the March issue of the Journal of the Hemlock Society, Ithaca was named the best place in America to commit suicide. Actually, the picture you see here of that lovely little view into eternity appeared in the March issue. The Hemlock editors offered some of the following as reasons for their pick - Ithaca is gorges! If jumping from high places is your thing, Ithaca is your place. Secondly, Ithaca has one of the best suicide hotlines in the country. If you can survive three hours of listening to some yokel on the phone talk about a scoop of Ben & Jerry's Rocky Road ice cream as an inducement to live, you're ready to die. Another reason for naming Ithaca a depressive's paradise was the high number of cloudy overcast days. Spending your vacation in Ithaca is like visiting Key West during hurricane season.
Ithaca received another wink from the editors of Rural Poverty Quarterly. Tompkins county was named in the April issue the best place in America for poor farmers. Can you believe it? Check out those happy faces. RPQ cited the availability of social service resources in Tompkins County as reason for their pick. "If you have a mail box, you can get a check." Another factor mentioned was the peculiar gullibility of local produce consumers. RPQ counseled producers, "if you can grow it and get away with calling it 'organic', well, you're on your way to eco-riches at Ithaca's Farmer Market."
Way to go, Ithaca!
Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 7:05 AM
