holy sundaeA high energy pr campaign has been waged in tiny Ithaca, New York now for the last month to capitalize on the to-the-death rivalry between Twin Rivers and Ithaca to claim credit for serving the first ice cream sundae. The goal has been to finagle a tv spot on CBS.
Emails have been furiously zinging back and forth -- none of which Ez has even bothered to read imasmuch as: 1) he knows the truth, 2)it doesn't matter who invented the ice cream sundae, and 3) who gives a fuck if Ithaca gets a little more undeserved pr?
That's a huge responsibility for one person but Ez is up to the task.
First, the truth of the matter is that an Ithacan didn't come up with the ice cream sundae, but, to our credit, an Ithaca man was the first to produce internet porn.
Second, being first to serve an ice cream sundae didn't produce any widespread benefit for mankind. This kind of frivolous publicity hoopla only underscores the fact that Ithaca has never produced anything that served the greater good. If Ithaca had, for instance, been the venue for say, a medical milestone like the discovery of a cancer vaccine, the city would have no need to tout its clout in the dairy industry.
Third, how many viewers who turn to CBS really care who came up with the ice cream sundae? They tune in CBS for autopsy shows. No one really cares. Another meaningless tidbit of trivia to be filed away in the 30 second cortical flush zone (like a turd chunk that doesn't get washed away the first time around but disappears with the next flush.) Do you really think that, with the war in Iraq, the war on terror, rising energy prices, midterm elections, a stalled economy, etc, people really have time for useless trivia. Give us a break. Who invented the styrofoam cup? Who invented the first hemerrhoid preparation?
Let's face it. We're not talking here about an old fashioned example of civic pride.George Washington slept here. Bill Clinton used our restroom. We're talking about a cold calculating scheme to boost the bottom line of Purity Ice Cream, the tourist trade, the restaurant business, the flea market enterprise zone, etc around Ithaca, NY
And, quite frankly, if you are considering a visit to Ithaca, be advised to stay away. You might save a costly repair job on your front axle. The potholes are deadly.
Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 7:54 AM
empire of garbageEzra has been hard pressed to confirm reports that Mother Jones, the Neiman Marcus of 'progressive' media channels, has bestowed on Ithaca the title of 'most environmentally friendly' small city in America. Or some shit like that. Ez caught a snippet of the report on the radio. But, at this late stage of suckdom, Exra's faculties have desintegrated to the point where he's not sure whether he hears voices or not. Stay long enough in Ithaca and you occasionally reach that point. But that's another story.
Now, if you recall, the Utne Reader was suckered into making a similiar prounoucement some years back. According to Utne's lights, Ithaca was one of the most liveable small cities in the US. Ez can tell you, as one who has resided on Cayuga's shores long enough, that potholes, declining infrastructure and a flintrock economy do not make for liveability. But, someone living in San Francisco or some other pollution clogged vantage point might visit our fair city for a weekend, be whisked past a couple of the to-die for state parks, end up sipping lattes on the Ithaca Commons, find an envelope stuffed with cash under his or her pillow, and come to that conclusion.
So be it. Lure those suckers in. Wishing it so might make it so if the city mothers can pay off enough media outlets. After all, this is America, the Land of the Simulacrum. Appearance is reality, reality is appearance.
But Ezra Kidder, ace muckracker, has discovered another startling truth about ithaca, environmental gift horse. And it involves, of all things, garbage. Now, tell Ez if he's wrong or not. Any metro that doesn't have a handle on waste management doesn't deserve the moniker, eco-utopia. Well, let it be known that Ithaca does have a firm grip on the drawstrings of its garbage bag. Because ihaca has turned the problem over to the largest waste management corporation on the planet, the GM of garbage, as it were.
A recent visit to the Tompkins County Waste Disposal or whatever it's called site revealed that Ithaca has subcontracted the dump to no other than Waste Management, Inc. Now google or whatever you do with your search engine Waste Management and toggle over to entry 750 or something like that until you get into the real juicy stuff -- or, alternatively, type in the words 'waste management inc' and 'scandal.' Hey, it ain't pretty.
Not only is the name Waste Management Inc. bandied around in the same foul breath as Enron, but, if you dig deep enough, you'll discover that Waste Management has been pilloried for years by environmentalists for fucking up the you know what. The corporation, which, incidentally, has enough clout to recruit for its CEO's former cabinet grade politicans, was stymied in its attempt to build a gigantic, noxious garbage transfer center in Linden, NJ. WMA , or whatever it acronymit uses, had its designs on NYC's waste contracts but needed a new venue to dump the shit after NYC closed its Staten Island landfill. (Sad to say, the landfill was reopened to hold the deitrus of 9/11.) Hey, don't listen to Ez. Do your own homework. Like someone else, not to mention names, should have before deciding to crawl into bed with this smelly suitor.
Hey, when you lie in garbage you wake up smelling like garbage.
Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 5:30 AM
