unpaid political nonendorsement
Someone had the unmitigated gall to mail Uncle Ez a glossy 6"X10" flyer from the Barbara Lifton campaign.
Who is Barbara Lifton? Why is she running for the State Assembly? What is the State Assembly? Is that like a single's bar in Albany?
Ez can't really figure out why anyone would want to run for the State Assembly.
And can anyone tell Ez what the State Assembly does? How many New Yorkers really know what the State Assembly does or have even knowingly voted for a candidate for the State Assembly? Of course, that is, unless that candidate was your Uncle Maury, the family Whip, ever legislative in his polyester suit and J.C. Penny raincoat slung over his arm, ready to tackle the issues of the day. Like giving tax breaks to car dealers. Or passing a bill to make Oct 14 the official New York Stromboli Day.
How much political clout can an Assembly person have? (You better believe that Hilliary Clinton never had to run for the State Assembly.) Does anyone even know much do they make? (As opposed to how much they collect under the table.) Who would want to give up a day time job at A-Plus or Target to hang out with a bunch of old farts in polyester suits or women with silver blue hair who didn't have the bucks or the bang to run for State Senate. Senator, now that's got a ring to it. You can go into Simeon's and get a nod from the bartender if you were a Senator. After all, you're wearing the purple. But can you imagine being an Assembly person, hanging out at budget motels on the outskirts of Albany, having to carry your own luggage, getting your sister to type your correspondence. Hell, it might even pay to skip the Super 8 completely and just commuteback and forth to caucuses.? Or is that caucusi?
Anyway, the Founding Fathers, in their infinite wisdom, knew that the only way to keep the masses in line was to extend the Good Ole Boy (or Girl) network right down to the state, county and local level. You know, make sure that the right people run the show.
But Barb Lifton wants to be your State Assembleyperson and, according to her glossy flyer, Barb has a "record of service and results."
So Ez, ace political reporter for Ithaca Sucks has been doing a little investigative journalism. He's turned up some interesting facts about Barbara Lifton.
Barb claims to have improved our economy by working to create good paying jobs. Do you remember seeing any good paying jobs in the classified this morning? Come 'on, Barb, get real. This is Ithaca, New York. We're talking about an economy which is 1/1000th the size of the gross national product of Terra del Fuego.
Well, on the bright side, there are career baristas in Ithaca :here, making lattes is something you aspire to. You can't really aspire to anything else in Ithaca except being hit by a Ford Explorer with out of state plates if you bend down to pick up a penny on Albany St. So Barb must be talking about the good job she got Marty Luster, her predessor in the Assembly. He has a fine job as Ithaca city attorney. After he left the State Assembly, he didn't have to take a cut in pay.
Barb's next talking point -- she will fight to invest in quality education. Sure, that means turning over everything to Cornell. Yes, Barbara, "our schools will have the resources they need to meet the challenges of tomorrow." They own the entire county. That should be enough, right?
Barb, by her own lights, will also work tirelessly to "ensure quality health care for everyone." Yep. Barb probably does know a number of $100 a needle accupuncturists, millionaire herbalists, $1,000 a tooth dentists. They all hang out in Fall Creek. They all have copies of Herb and Root on the coffee tables in their waiting rooms. And a copy of the Velveteen Rabbit for the kids. Ez is sure that they'll be thrilled when Barb asks them to accept a single payer insurance plan.
You've been in office one term, Barb, and you've done a fine job. But what have you done? Wearing a sweater around your shoulders like an overweight Audrey Hepburn and being seen at the Ithaca Festival doesn't count.
Ez has crunched the numbers and calculated that Barbara Lifton has actually made a difference. She has helped 120 of her close friends and associates get richer, get better educated and get quality healthcare. That leaves 99,900 of us that need a voice in the State Assembly.
Footnote: Oops! Barb went and did it, made a horrible faux pas, put politics over racial equality, offended the delicate liberal sensibilities of the 5 Ithacans who voted for her. If you haven't heard, and how the fuck would Ez expect anyone to read the Ithaca Journal to find out, Barb recommended that Democratic voters in her district vote for a white red neck Democrat (Sheriff Pete) rather than a black Republican. Whip her with a wet ballot, ok.
Not paid for by the Ithaca Sucks Committee to Dump the Whole Fucking Lot.
Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 5:13 PM
