A Journal of Humor and Verbal Anarchy

 

Impeachment: The Bored Game


Alright, you aging baby boomers, do you find yourself stuck in the doldrums of small college town life? Are all your old cronies from the fun days of SDS, the Chicago Seven, the Panthers moving to retirement villages in Arizona to play golf? A little concerned that kids under 25 have totally abandoned the political chase for IPods and texting?

You need a little excitement in your life. Are you ready to play Impeachment The Board Game?

Do you remember the rush you got watching Tricky Dick board a helicopter to presidential palookaville? Now you have the power at a throw of the dice to send W and his vice presidential pitbull, Dick Cheney, on a one way trip to Republican Boot Hill.

Here's how you play. Grab a game piece. You have your choice of several life-like figurines -- a bearded, potbellied, avuncular old hippie type, or a modish darling of the Women's Democratic Action Committee, even a piece that resembles Stokely Carmichael. Now you're ready.

Shake the dice.! Like Monopoly, you move your piece as many spaces as indicated by the roll of the dice. Some moves will advance your cause, move you closer to your goal of ousting a sitting president and vice president. Other moves will set you back, way back --like a smashing Republican upsurge in mid-term elections. That's the chance you take.
Here are some other milestones on your journey around the board.

You roll a 6! Hurrah. Common Council by a vote of 6 to 2 drafts an anti-war resolution which is front page news the next day in the Ithaca Urinal. You've won an important victory and, your confidence up now, you roll again.

Shit! Your popular four term congressman was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. (Hey, lighten up, this is only a blog. Maurice is as squeaky as Mr. Clean.) You've lost an important ally in the House of Representatives and you also lose a turn.

Your turn again! You roll an eight and get to draw a bonus card.
Holy Mother of Demonstrators! Cindy Sheehan is coming to your town to talk at a rally on the Commons. Immediately you get the news out to all the alternative media. Thousands are expected to show up. Where to put all the buses and cars? After all, you're a green community. Anyway, that's a minor detail. Your turn to roll again!

Whoopie! The President's ratings hit an all time low. A Gallup Poll reveals that only 3% of Americans think that Bush knows how to tie his own shoes. You're half way around the board. Roll again!


Crap! Jane Fonda, eminence gris of the 60's anti-war celebrity protestors, does an about face and appears at a White House dinner with George and Laura, sending a shockwave through the movement. Hell, this is tantamount to having Mahatma Gandhi do a commerical for Smith & Wesson. Back five squares.

Well, in the game of life, that's how things go. Eventually, you'll get another turn. Who knows. You might roll snake eyes and get another bonus card, pick up another 4,500 signatures on your petition to oust the prez. They're getting worried now, circling the wagons in the oval office. Waiting for the Volkswagon Terminator bus to roll up to the Capital, for the Men with Pot Bellies to step out and zap the Evil Empire.


Wait! You roll a seven. Lucky Number 7. Ahh--uhhhhhhhhhh....proceed right to Supreme Court, do not pass go. The justices are assembled, waiting to hear your brief on turning over secret presidential tapes. You know, conversations with Wolfie and Dick, where they're actually cooking up WMD and terror connections . Oops, you've been to that building before, haven't you? Remember hanging chads? Remember 2000?



Publish Post
Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 7:43 PM