A Journal of Humor and Verbal Anarchy
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Thursday, July 19, 2007
  Father and Son
The Thought Police were busy last night. Would you believe someone just wiped out Ez's email account? Yep. The familiar email address - iscentral@hotmail.com - that millions of you have written to, seeking advice with romance, finances, homeopathic remedies, which school to attend (not Cornell) and countless other life and death questions. Ezra had the largest storage cache in the industry. A pair of servers in an air conditioned room behind a Dunkin Donuts in Idaho were devoted to archiving Ez's vast correspondence with his fans. Now the record is gone, poof, vanished, donut powder.
F'ing A. Who could have done Ez wrong? Ez tried logging in to this email account this am to check on the morning mailbag, only to find that the idiots at Microsoft didn't recognize his account. You know how you click on the link when you forget your password? Hell, Ez couldn't even do that. He kept getting the account verification screen.
F C U K Y U O
ENTER THE CHARACTERS YOU SEE IN THE BOX. nOT CASE Sensitive. Why?
('cause you are a stupid idiot with the memory of a gnat.)
Three times, Ez filled out the stupid screen every times. MSN wouldn't let him answer the original password question he had formulated 4 years ago to deal with the exactly this situation - What was the name of Ezra Cornell's sled? Binkie.
What, you never saw Citizen Kane? Bummer.
Lately Ez has been lamenting the fact that you can't find Charlie Chan reruns anymore? Ez loved watching Charlie Chan on weekends. You remember when the tv screen was about 12 square inches and your imaginary universe was black and white. (Actually, Ez doesn't remember those days but his great grandfather told him all about them.) Ez went into Hollywood Video the other day looking for Charlie Chan reruns but came out empty handed. Let's face it, Buffy the Vampire doesn't replace Charlie Chan on a rainy afternoon.
Despite the obvious racial stereotyping directed at Asians -- Charlie was played by a number of non-Asian actors made up to look properly Chinese -- the plots of these serialized detective films always kept you at the edge of the couch as the main character and his bumbling offspring, Number One Son, battled a host of criminal geniuses. Actually, Ez just checked his references and found that a lot of the Chan movies were re-released on DVD by Fox Studios back in 2006.
What does all this have to do with anything, let alone the incursions of the Thought Police? Your guess is as good as Ez's.
Gerald Manly Hopkins once penned the lines, the child is father to the man? Something like that came to mind when Ez was uploading images to his blog this morning. He had uploaded the paranoiac mug of J. Edgar Hoover first, then the shot of a smiling, self-assured, imperial Bill Gates only to find the order reversed.
What Ez had hoped to prove was that the idea of a vast empire of control and surveillance dreamed up by the little, gender swapping G-man had come to fruition under the aegis of Bill Gates and Microsoft. Hoover had a file on just about everybody including Dr. King. Can you imagine what he would have done with a little computer age technology? Holy Bonnie and Clyde!
But perhaps the real Age of Surveillance has just begun? The McCarthy era was just a tryout for Big Brother.
Does Bill Gates have any kids? Do they look like J. Edgar Hoover? Are they playing with little plastic machine guns?
What does all this have to do with Ez's email? Well, sometimes Ez gets this sneaking suspicion that someone planted spywear in his computer. Maybe some budding cybercop at Cornell? Or was it the innocuous looking NYSEG meter reader? Or could it be Carolyn Peterson.
Anyway, Ez's new email address is : ezrakidder@gmail.com. Please write.
PS: Thanks to a loyal reader, the mystery has been cleared up. Remember Renfield in the novel and movie of the same name, Dracula. You know, the guy who ate flies. Well, let's imagine that they let him out and he went to school for computer science and learned to hack email accounts and assorted dirty cyber tricks like that. Yep. He hangs his diploma from one of those online factory schools or is it CORNELL? right next to his fly strip. Did you know that he was hired by a consortium made up of all Ez's enemies, CU, NYSEG. CP (her honor) to send nasty messages to people under Ez's email moniker? As a result, Bill Gates, who is probably in on the plot, shut Ez's email account. Well, Ez apologies for the nastiness and wants you to know that he will persevere despite these outrageous attempts to shut him down and destroy his credibility. Onward, Christian soldiers. The truth will prevail.
Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 9:02 AM
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