A Journal of Humor and Verbal Anarchy

 
IthacaSucksTV

Ez is not one of those hypocrites who drives around town with a Kill Your TV bumper sticker but then comes home to watch Argentinian soccer matches beamed in from a 35 foot high antenna on the roof resembling one of the behemoth radio telescopes in the movie Contact. In fact, Ez is a sucker for socially relevant broadcasting. Every night he scans the channels, hoping against hope that the networks have wised up and finally decided to do a series about a group of young eco-hipsters as they work, love, and make a difference together building nomadic container homes for lower income people in Seattle.

After all, they've had 5 years now to review the script Ez sent them. Maybe they couldn't get Jennifer Anniston to play the part of Kendra Saflower.

Hey, if you've lived in Ithaca for as long as Ez has, you learn not to give up so easily. After all, it took Ithacans twenty years to come up with a solution for the traffic nightmare that was the Octopus. Ez has talked about the Octopus in previous blogs so, if you're new to the blog or new to the area, check out http://14850.com/web/octopus/ for information on Ithaca's beloved traffic mollusk. Otherwise, run, crawl, take a bus, rent a car, a riding lawnmower will do, or even a dog sled,sorry read companion animal conveyance, and don't stop until the spires of East Hill are a tiny speck on your rear view mirror.

Ez has not been idle as you might have guessed based on the infrequency of his blogs. It's taken a few weeks to recover from the unconscionable and sadistic cyber-invasion of his email account. Imagine that! Some slime just takes it upon himself to hack your email one morning. Ez thinks that he must have been some Cornell uberclone writing his dissertation on the use of the double in the films of Warren Oates because this creep used the word heuristic in a rambling, psychopathic message he sent to folks in Ez's address book.

Anyway, to bring you up to date, Ez has just been putting the finishing touches on another television pilot and you better reserve Thursday night for the rest of your life; your grandchildren will be watching the reruns of this sucker. That's right. Sopranos, start humming. Desperate Housewives, eat your heart out. We're talking massage the message, the whole unfinished project of modernity, and you, sweet readers, are the first to read about it right here on Ithaca Sucks.
Ez has been thinking that Green Star might want to get in on the ground floor as sponsors. Behold------------

Granolaville The Series.

(Plot Outline)

The intimate details, untold stories, unseen conflicts and class struggles behind day to day life in a psuedo-progressive enclave in upstate New York.

Here are some of the characters.

Jim Bojangles, co-owner of Now You're Filleting, an established culinary supply store on the Commons. Jim is hiding from his past and what a past that is because, in fact, he is really Abdul SimZakat, a former member of the infamous terror network HahdiMahdi and, now, this is the tricky part, brother to the Crown Prince of Dubai which makes him one of the heirs of a fabulous wealthy Persian Gulf oil principality. Jim must not only dodge Mossad agents and Farberware salesmen but pretend that he doesn't like to haggle over the price of pots and pans.

Dog Park Lady

Betty Wingus has written 175 letters to the Editor, campaigned tirelessly for three years, handed out 6, 786 fliers, organized and attended 15 vegetarian luncheons, raised $3,456 at poodle clips and bake offs, bored to tears members of 5 governmental subcommittees on 45 different occasions, all in support of locating property for and dedicating a new dog park.


The Common Council, caving in to pressure from well heeled miniature golfers sick of stepping in Akita shit on the 10th tee, had suspended the previous permit.
Betty once called the board of governors of the Granolaville Miniature Golf Association "'crypto Nazi hound haters." In one letter to the editor, Betty took to task the golfer who called the cops when Betty's Shih Tzu innocently pissed on the stone gremlin marking the golf course's 15th hole, referring to the gentleman as "'a person who should be stripped of the privilge of being allowed to call himself a human being."

As the first season of Granolaville gets off the ground, Betty has threatened to launch a petition drive to outlaw miniature golf in city limits. More to follow.............





















Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 12:48 PM