Everybody loves a dirty campaign
Ez has been working on a campaign poster. First he thought of a poster design incorporating a giant prune with a bold red line through it, you know, like the no smoking signs, but instead the message would be "No More Prunes." Whatcha think? Well, not everyone would get the message, you think. (Ez is not implying that Carolyn Peterson is a pruneface, or that her administration has been rather geriatric, and Ithacans won’t put up with laxative politics.
Then Ez came up with a poster design that symbolized his support for the environment. In the background you see happy cows grazing in the sun and, in the foreground a very large green tree. The line of reasoning here was – cows will bring in the farm vote ---wait a minute, to begin with, does Ithaca even have a farm belt. We know, Ithaca has a Farmer’s Market and a Byrnes Dairy. No matter, the tree is what would really suck the voters in. Everyone loves trees. Even Cornell says they love trees even though they cut down a gorgeous stand of trees in Redbud Woods. Every tree hugger in Ithaca came out to fight the good fight, chaining themselves to trunks of trees, maintaining round the clock vigils, but, que lastima, Munich repeats itself in every generation. You know, the Munich Agreement. Appeasement. 1938. Joseph Chamberlain. Get the picture.
Ez has been looking into ways he could get in front of the issue of the environment. Maybe get his picture taken by the Inlet, dredging up shopping carts and condoms.
Or, how about if Ez has his picture taken wearing a black ski mask and an ELF button as he brandishes a gasoline outside the parking lot of Home Depot. No, that wouldn’t work. People would think Ez had just come out of the store after buying the sucker. And we all know that Ithacans don’t shop at big box stores. It’s those nasty consumers from Watkins Glen and Elmira that pollute the air, lay their rubber on Rt 13 as they pile into their gas guzzling SUV’s to shop for bargains at retail outlets that don’t pay their employees a livable or even a living wage.
And, insofar as Carolyn's predecessor basically gave a good chunk of the environment of Ithaca away to developers, that's pretty much relieves Carolyn of much responsibility for preserving the ecology of Ithaca. Not that Carolyn wasn't on City Council during the Great Ithaca Fire Sale, otherwise known as the Cohen administration so she would know a think or two about runaway development.
For the uninitiated, which basically refers to everyone in Ithaca except the 15 people who voted in the last election, Carolyn Peterson is the Democratic mayor of Ithaca. So, the next time you have to replace your front axle on a pothole, take it up with her. She is the middle aged woman with the bun who bears an uncanny resemblance to everyone's 3rd grade home room teacher which can be rather unnerving because, in third grade, Ez spent so much time in the coat room, people thought he'd either become a tailor or turn out to be a tortured Kafkawannabe blogger. Carolyn’s claim to high electoral office, besides the fact that she can endure 16 hour committee meetings 4 times a week, is that she ran a senior center. There are reports that she was partial to black leather dominatrix costumes as she patrolled the halls there for seniors who didn’t eat their prunes and milk, or who showed up late to knitting bees. Oh yes, she served a couple of terms on City Council where she earned the nickname, The Rubber Stamp. Fortunate for Carolyn, the video record of some her most compromising committee votes burned up in a suspicious fire.
Wait a minute, it's September and have you seen any signs that Carolyn is even running a campaign? Does she even know who she's running against? Will they have to bring in a polyester Republican opponent from Elmira to run against her? Someone who ran an insurance agency and headed the local Kiwanis? Hell, before she faces any token Republican opposition, she still has to get through the primaries first and that means she'll be facing off against Ez.
Yep, you recall Ez threw his blog into the ring last May. Since then, he's been busy picking up cans and bottles to build up his war chest. The thing is, though, that the economy of Ithaca is so brisk right now that a quarter of the men in Ithaca over 40 without a MA are also picking cans and bottles. On a given day, you can see an army of the unemployed or marginally employed scouring the trash cans around the Commons. Then we all retire to the soup kitchen to talk politics.
But, perhaps, Carolyn Peterson doesn’t know there's a soup kitchen in Ithaca nor does she know that the local paper ran a series of articles on poverty in Ithaca. And how all the bums that loaf on the Commons --oops, that's politically incorrect, the economically challenged occupying all the benches? Yeah, tell us, what the f---k, pardon the French, is little Carolyn doing about job creation anyway? How many doormen, maids, shopping cart attendants, checkout people, barristas, bus boys, pizza delivery men can you have in one town? But Carolyn doesn’t depend on the ‘little people’ of Ithaca to get re-elected, does she?
The bald faced truth is that Carolyn doesn’t need to campaign, doesn’t need to hang posters, kiss babies, shake hands outside supermarkets, because the job of Mayor of Ithaca is an appointed position. Ain’t that so, baby? It’s all decided in a backroom behind Green Star. Mind you now, not a smoke filled backroom as in days of yore but a backroom filled with the delicious aroma of deluxe cappuccino. Do you see what Ez is getting at? Do you really see? It’s the friggin’ organic produce cartel and the bozos on the hill that run Ithaca!!!!!!!! A bunch of Daddy Warbuck organic millionaires! It’s out, it’s finally out. Ez has blown the cover off the compost.
Hey, you can choose to believe him or not but Ez knows, Ez knows. And he has pictures!
Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 4:18 AM
