Lama FeverHave you downloaded your Buddhism ringtones yet? You're gonna be one sorry ass if October rolls around and you're the only loser in your network who thinks Justin Timberlake is cool when all your friends are connecting to the soothing sutra sounds of the Monks of the Vinyldharma Monastary in West Palm Beach.
Maybe you think it's cool that you're the only freshman without an authentic campus store Thangka hanging in your dorm room? Hey, you'll be pretty embarrassed if the Dalai Lama knocks on your door to get directions to the lavatory and isn't greeted by the comforting fragrance of Smokeless Kokonoe incense wafting from your Big Red Buddha incense bowl. You might as well transfer to the University of Arkanasas right then and there.
Hey, loyal readers, if you haven't noticed, Ithaca is experiencing a bad case of Lama Fever and the Cornell Store and Wal-Mart are leading the charge. (Only kidding. To our knowledge the Dalai Lama, contrary to rumor, is not going to bless the shopping carts at Wal-Mart. The biggest box store of them all, however, will be offering lowball pricing on Wheel of Life seatcovers and Boddhivista baby bibs.)
Can you see where all this could lead? McCawber's might offer a Kharma and Coke drink special for the month of October, and Bill Cook Motors could push its new line of inventory under the slick guise of "Be reincarnated in a 2008 Ultima." Ad nauseam. (Latin for gag me with a spoon.)
You think Ez is kidding about this, don't you? Well, consider this, me bloggies. Cornell University occupies how many friggin' acres? You got Barton Hall, you got this building, you got that gym, you even got the Plantations, but where is the Dalai Lama scheduled to give, now get this, not one but four lectures during his upcoming tour? The Cornell Store. (Don't take Ez's word for this. Check out the Cornell website.) Get it, among the Big Red tote bags, stadium seats, sweatshirts, plastic mugs, and all the other sterile effluvia of college life in America, the Dalai Lama is going to discourse on Emptiness and Quantum Nonlocality. Are they for real? Empty out your wallets, right? Bet your buddhawuda, they're gonna have some knick knack or other stacked up by the door for His Holiness to sign or bless, whichever may be the case.
That's got to be on the same league as walking into a McDonald's and finding Jesus Saves on the side of your 16oz. dixiecup.
Ez recognizes that shopping is much more central to American life than spirituality but, ultimately, you reach a point where you just push the boundaries too far. Which American sage was it that fittingly summed up our way of life , the business of America is business? Lama Calvin {Coolidge}?
You can build stupas up and down Rt 13, have how many countless saffron robed monks strolling up and down your shopping district, invite the Pope, the Dalai Lama, the Ayotollah Khamenei, the Chief Rabbi of Jerusalem, the Archbishop of Canterbury and a busload of Naga Sadhu's from Calcutta to a summit in Anabel Taylor Hall, but you are not going to move the center of spiritual gravity in I-town one iota. When all is said and done, it's all about merchandising. You think?
In honor of the Dala Lama's impending visit, one of our brave readers suggested that IS sponsor a competition to come up with the Dalai Lama's first words entering Ithaca. The winner who comes up with the funniest, most hysterically satirical and most topical Lama quip will receive an Ithaca Sucks canvas tote bag and have her/his picture taken with Ezra Kidder. (Only kidding.)
"Can you break a 100 Ithaca Hours? (Gotta buy some chewing gum.)"
"Where's 3-D Light? (I want to check out the chainmail.) "
"Who are you kidding? Is this really the most enlightened town in America?"
Anyway, you get the point. Let's hear from you, Lama Lovers.
Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 6:33 AM
