Ithaca Sucks

A Journal of Humor and Verbal Anarchy

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Wednesday, October 31, 2007
 
Cornell Gets Rhetoric Superstar Judith Butler for $10M, Trades Culler

In the high stakes world of recruiting academic superstars, Team Cornell has demonstrated that it is no slouch. Today, the University announced that it had hired top tier Berkeley Feminist/Rhetorician, Judith Butler, to a seven year contract worth a record $10M a year. Butler, author of Subjects of Desire: Hegelian Reflections in Twentieth Century France, Excitable Speech: Politics of the Performative and the trailblazing Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Gender , and most recently Maxine Elliot Professor in the Departments of Rhetoric and Comparative Literature at UC Berkeley, created a sensation when she first began exploring "the partial opacity of the subject, and the relation between critique and ethical reflection."

Jonathan Culler, who was traded in the deal, and whose wife is half sister to the comedian Chevy Chase will head up Berkeley's new critical studies department. In a press conference this morning Academic dean, Robert Wakowski, called Butler a "titan of theory and a first rate addition to our all-star Rhetoric squad," and went on to say that "I've known Jon Culler for 20 years and I'm sure he'll make a real contribution at UC Berkeley."

Meanwhile, rumors abound that Cornell is negotiating with Argentinian Marxist humanist Ernesto Laclau and the controversial Slovenian born Slavo Zizek, the so-called bad boy of Continental Philosophy to head a new institute of social theory. Zizek's total compensation last year for teaching and guest lectures is reported to have maxed out at $7.4 million. Not surprising, however, because, as pundits have pointed out, Zizek's ontology posits a return to the category of the Cartesian subject; a return to the category of ideology; and a return to the notion of the Lacanian Real.

Any academic package combining Laclau and Zizek would put Cornell up among the top three post structuralist "powerhouses" in the world, according to Theory Today editor Bob Shortlist.

Inspired by the recent series of spectacular trades and contract buyouts on the university circuit, a small publishing company in Ithaca has announced that it will bring out a series of collectible academic superstar trading cards which will include perennials like Harold Bloom and all time mega-favorite, Lionel Trilling. . The first cards will begin to come out in the Fall of 2008.




Tuesday, October 30, 2007
 

Worried about Voter Apathy, Mayor Peterson Hits Campaign Trail

Concerned that only 15 of her closest friends may come out to vote in the upcoming November election, Mayor Peterson hit the hustings with a vengeance today. In a whirlwind appearance, Peterson made what her aides labelled a major policy address at the Eastlawn Cemetery today. Flanked by a uniformed fireman, Mayor Peterson evoked the memory of 9/11, promised to build more housing for lower income families, ram through City Council a bill to recognize gay marriage, hire 15 more policemen, fill in all the City's 2804 potholes by 2008 and lower taxes by 7%.

The Mayor's critics immediately issued a statement that Peterson is "pandering to the graveyard vote." Later appearances the same day might have been targeted at addressing that criticism. Peterson made a second major campaign speech at 4pm on Monday to a group of hikers on the Burns Rd Recreation Way.

In her 15 minute address, Mayor Peterson promised to "draw a line in the sand against unbridled development in the City of Ithaca, plant 35,000 more trees along the Rt 13 corridor, extend summer 5 more weeks and honor the Kyoto Accords on global warming.

The Mayor's busy day was capped off when she greeted shoppers at Wal-mart on Meadow St. Promising to roll back the sales tax to 7%, Peterson exhorted Ithaca's consumers to "shop, shop, shop until you drop. Great retail is what makes Ithaca great."

In recent weeks, Democratic strategists have wrestled with the question of the probable impact on the mayoral election if only .1% of the electorate came out on November 6. In the absence of a Republican contender, Mayor Peterson has not campaigned aggressively until now but, if today is any indication, she is determined to play catchup.



Monday, October 29, 2007
 

Cornell Prof Accidentally Summons Satan

In what is now being termed "a freakish accident" an associate professor of Cultural Anthropology at Cornell inadvertently summoned the Prince of Darkness to make a rare appearance over the weekend. The incident occurred at an unknown location on campus during the course of a departmental Halloween party. Personnel from the Cornell campus police, IPD and IFD were called to the scene to deal with the 'disturbance.'

"I had come across, you know, this old manuscript in the course of researching devil worship in early medieval Europe. It was written in a very archaic form of Hungarian but we finally broke it down." Prof. Wikingtoad explained in an interview from his campus office this afternoon. "It has something to do with an incantation of some sort. Calling Beelzebub back from his centuries' long sleep, something like that. Hey, how did I know? I thought it would be a goof to pretend to be serious and recite this chant during the party -- just to freak out the graduate assistants. "

Observers at the party recall witnessing a sudden burst of fire and smoke in one corner, and a foul,overpowering odor like 'brimstone' permeating the room. Prof. Wikingtoad continued, "Suddenly there's this huge seven foot tall daffy looking fellow standing there, staring at us. At first we thought it was one of the new teaching assistants trying to show off with a clever costume. But then we realized that this character smelled like --well, you know like a backed up toilet. And he was talking in a language and no one in the room had a clue to what he was saying. Have you ever seen the movie The Exorcist? When the little girl on the bed, Linda Blair, starts babbling in like some ancient Babylonian dialect? That's what this guy sounded like. It's at that point when we realized we might have a problem on our hands."



Sunday, October 28, 2007
 

"The beast is yet to come and won't that be fine"

Monday,November 29, 2007 The City of Ithaca today announced that it had issued a permit to the Mall of America Corporation to build a 700,000 sq. ft. multi-level shopping mall on public land near Buttermilk Falls. When built, the mall, tentatively dubbed MOA2, will be the 12th largest shopping complex in the US.

Despite intense criticism from environmentalists who argue that more retail will 'seal the fate of Buttermilk forever', Mayor Peterson has repeatedly clung to a more optimistic scenario. "This will really put Ithaca on the map. A couple of thousand tourists, if we're lucky, show up to see the Falls every year. This project will draw close to a million shoppers a year from all parts of upstate New York. These are people who want a shopping experience you can't even get in large cities like Syracuse. This mall will have the second biggest Bed Bath and Beyond in the country!"

Hours after the City issued its press release, a videotaped message from a radical environmental group calling themselves The Red Bud Woods Underground threatened to stop the construction of a new mall using any means available. A RBWU spokesperson,seen in the tape wearing a ski mask and a backpack that appeared to be wired to a detonator, promised to turn City Hall into a parking lot if "one more Victoria's Secret goes up in Ithaca."

The environmental movement in Ithaca suffered a setback two years ago when Cornell University went forward with a controversial parking lot project despite a storm of community protest. Local activists, who at one point could be depended on to chain themselves to bulldozers in efforts to impede development projects, have been largely silent in recent years as a spate of big box stores have popped up along the Rt 13 corridor. In a chilling rebuke to more timid colleagues in the ecology movement, the RBWU spokesperson pointed out in his taped remarks,

"People who call themselves environmentalists are often the ones who will make any excuse to visit the mall. You see them there all the time, popping into Payless or Target. If you'd rather buy souvenirs of Mother Earth at the Nature Company than preserve nature where it is, you deserve to be compost."





 

Mogadischu Sneaker


Why doesn't Ithaca have a Sushi Tango? The restaurant business is a $40 million industry in I-town and how many really trendy bistros are there anyway? Some people jive on Stella's (Ez always thought that the waiters should dress in Italian t-shirts and all vaguely resemble Marlon Brando in A Streetcar Named Desire." The there's Simeon's but that's just an overpriced hick Applebee's. Occasionally you can still bump into ex-mayor Al Cohen but he's not in a position to sell you a tract down by the inlet anymore so what's the point of chatting?

Ez has always wanted to open a restaurant. There's a certain romance to working 28 hours a day in a busy kitchen, tossing knives at the bus boys, berating the waitresses, practicing your backhand catch on a Cornish game hen. Occasionally, whenever Ez wants to take a break from reading the Rig Veda in the original Sanskrit, he turns on the telly and watches Hell's Kitchen or one of the other tv kitchen reality shows. You don't the meaning of 'mean' until you see this Chef Toynbee, oops I correct myself --Chef Ramsey on Hell's Kitchen -- you get the drift, he's a Brit with a mouth like the Thames, browbeat some salad bar attendant from Detroit with aspirations of running a Vegas restaurant. Anyway, if you ever wanted to find out what happened to civility, ask a Brit. They invented the tabloid press, gave us Jack the Ripper and brought the Maxim gun to Africa.

However, Ez didn't start out to insult the British, he was surveying the bistro scene in Ithaca. There are now two Mexican restaurants, two Thai, how many Chinese, two sushi bars, two or three Greek grease traps, several Italian, one cheese dog palace(Moosebox) and a really, really --and Ez thinks it's the best in I-town, vegetarian restaurant --the ABC Cafe.

But no Sushi Tango. What kind of food does Sushi Tango serve? Hell knows, Ez's never eaten in one, he just likes the catchy name. It bespeaks of fusion, melting pot, cultural menu-rubbing. We Americans love that shit. After all we invented the tv dinner, dehydrated macaroni and cheese, spam (the meat.) Now we've discovered ethnic cuisine. Bring on the French Chef, Taco Bell, we're all about melting pots, that term must have been thought up in a sociologist's kitchen. We still need those fureenerrrs to clean our bathrooms, wash the dishes and nanny our young'ins so we might as well co-opt the finer points of their cuisines.

So Ez took out a yellow legal pad and started figuring out how he could liven up the boring culinary scene in Ithaca and, incidentally, make a million or two in the process. First he thought of what he could do with Polish fusion and he ran down a list of possibles. Kielbasi tapas, Pierogi lo mein, Salmon stuffed Golabki. Now that's interesting.

In the end, Ez decided that he would introduce authentic Somali cooking to Ithaca. But, you know, give it an American touch. Wow, camel burgers. Chili con carne with goat meat. Doro Wat with a side of fries. That's chicken stew and hadboiled eggs, if you didn't know. Oh, yeah, Ithaca is definitely ready for this. Those students will eat anything and camel meat is the perfect date food. Maybe, Ez will call his bistro Mogadischu Sneaker. Nice ring to it, eh?




Friday, October 26, 2007
 


ST. PAT'S 4 SIGN MOVIE DEAL

Hollywood insider, Ez Kidder, has learned that I-town's own Radical Quartet, the blood-hurling, be freckled crew that invaded an Army recruiting station several years back, have signed a contract with New Line Productions to play themselves in an upcoming film about their controversial "act of conscience." Unconfirmed sources have reported that veteran Hollywood actor Harrison Ford will appear in a cameo as radical Jesuit priest, Daniel Berrigan.
In an exclusive interview with Ez, Danny Byrnes, the roguish self-styled 'comedian' of the group joked around about his motives for making the film.

"Hey people will say that we're doing it for the money. Others will probably say we just want more publicity. Personally, I just want to break into the movies. Hey, do you really think there's a future in chaining yourself to Polaris submarines, throwing fake blood around recruiting offices, spending hours in untelevised courtrooms or being sent to prison? I want to see where all this goes -- maybe I'll get to do a love scene with Uma Thurman some day." Byrnes snickered and rolled his eyes.

The St. Patrick's Day Four first broke into the news when they turned a predictably uneventful anti-war protest at Pyramid Mall in Ithaca into a media circus, locking themselves in the Triphammer Army recruiting station and splattering, among other government property, a U.S. flag with fake blood. After a much publicized trial, the Four spent several months in various federal prisons. Since the recruiting station incident, the Grady's, a sister act with a long track record of civil disobedience, have participated in a host of other protests, including an unruly demonstration at a local state senator's office for which they still face prosecution.

"They like to think of themselves as the Doublemint Twins of mayhem," Danny Byrnes kidded. "The studio wanted to get Julia Roberts to play Clare but, hey, you can't play the part without the freckles."

A spokesperson for director, Milos Forman, told KidderNews that, "The St. Patrick's Day Four are like the Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kid of protest. Nobody is doing this stuff anymore. Protesters today spent all their time making puppets, or they put on ski masks and break a few windows, get in the evening news, then spend the next 20 years regaling their buddies about their radical antics. Like Butch and Sundance, the St, Pat's 4 continue to do this 60's thing long after it's lost its relevance, they're throwbacks to an earlier, less cynical time. And that's interesting in itself."

"Maybe I'll get to meet Julia Roberts anyway," Danny Byrnes, fair haired boy of Ithaca protest winked as he flashed the peace symbol.



Thursday, October 25, 2007
 
Ez does Ithaca Wikipedia style





Ez has a new mission. He's going to rewrite the Wikipedia entry for Ithaca, New York. [EDIT]

Inspired by all the Wikipediasts from humble origins who regularly contribute to the world's storehouse of knowledge, Ez has decided to pitch in and do his part. [EDIT]

Ez has been shooting his mouth off for years how we should de-professionalize the knowledge industry. [EDIT] One suggestion he made some time back was for Cornell not to hire anyone with more than a high school education. That's didn't go over so big and Ez never did his meeting with Hunter Rawlings to discuss the idea. Of course, that was, in one sense, a good thing because Hunter Rawling always looks down on people.[EDIT] Well, he is over 6'5". But there's also that air of snootiness that probably goes with the territory.

But now Wikipedia has made it possible for jerks like Ez to rewrite the Book of Knowledge. Democracy, how sweet you are. [EDIT]

Ok, let's get to work.

ITHACA, NEW YORK

Originally settled by whites following in the train of General Sullivan's campaign of ethnic cleansing in the Northeast, Ithaca was built on land stolen from the Tutelo Tribe, a branch of the Iroquois Confederation. [EDIT]

Ithaca was rediscovered and reclaimed from small minded, small town Republican Babbitts in the late 60's by Cornell educated hippies and dropouts It quickly became a mecca on the lake for people on the take. [EDIT] That's not quite the right chronological sequence eventually that's what happened but we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves. Ithaca soon took on the flavor of a counter culture paradise with small collectives, coops, head shops sprouting up everywhere, the most prominent examples being the Moosebox Restaurant, the Green Polka Dot Natural Food Market. Later, these early experiments in collective ownership became top heavy with over educated 40somethings running around like wannabe Martha Stewarts until they lost their original inspiration and just went plain mainstream yuppie, totally focused on making money. [EDIT]

Oh shit, Ez forgot to mention Ezra Cornell!

[EDIT]

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Wednesday, October 24, 2007
 
MAYOR IN A JAR

Let's face it. Ithacans are to busy to worry about trivialities like who's going to be the next mayor of the city of Ithaca. There's a standing president to impeach, a war three thousand miles away that has to be stopped, refugees in Darfur, now the Jena 6, big boxes to shop at, a new model car year, those new Explorers look really sharp, perfect for cruising Buffalo in style this winter, whether to send your kid to school in an armored car or in a flak jacket. Decisions, decisions.
When you get right now to it, do you think that most Ithacans even know who the current mayor is? Whatcha think --one in 5 know who Carolyn Peterson is? Choosing a mayor --it's not like that's all that important a decision, you know. There are decisions, then there are decisions. We're not talkling like choosing what brand of microwave popcorn to buy, or whether to shop at Tops or Wegmanns. Those are really important decisions.

Then there's the convenience factor. Somebody in Fall Creek or up there at the U have pretty much decided who the best all around candidate is -- a safe Deomcrat, someone who can be trusted to waffle on gay marriage, spout platitudes on race, kiss ass on development, hug the shore on matters of finance. We need someone who has a proven record of not making waves, a good ole girl.

You got racial tension in the schools, cracks in GIAC, gay couples clamoring for recognition, potholes everywhere. Rinse those troubles down the drain. Reach for Mayor in a Jar. TM You got it--- Carolyn Peterson. Keep her on a shelf until you need her. She's convenient, safe, non-toxic, non-controversial, whitebread all the way.



Sunday, October 21, 2007
 

Ithacans Plan to Disrupt RNC with Giant Chicken

A group of Trumasburg activists have a treat in store for Republicans planning to attend next September's National Convention in St Paul, Minnesota. As Rudy Guilaini, Mit Romney,John McCain and a whole host of Ike wannabes vie for the nomination to replace the Man from Crawford, the surprise choice to rule the roost may be a giant chicken all the way from that progressive Eastern hen yard, Ithaca, New York.

If this bird were griddled for McNuggets, you could probably feed the Twin Cities. To even neutralize a hormone chomping poulter-giant like the one you'll see in a year strutting down Hennipen Street in St. Paul, that is, if all goes according to plan, you'd need a unit of the National Guard equipped with some state of the art firepower. But, then again, we're not talking about a real chicken.

"The abuse and exploitation of chickens never makes it to the table." Neal Hauser pauses, thinks for a second about what he just said, and chuckles. "Well, chickens actually do make it to the table in great quantities and those Republicans will be serving up their share. But who stands up for the lowly chicken in our society? "

This chicken, laboriously being hatched, so to speak, in an old barn a mile down the road from Trumansburg, a quaint throwback to the hippie subculture, will be able to stand up for himself. Or is that herself.

"Jake over there is reading a book on chicken gender." Neal points to a tall fellow with a steel grey ponytail wearing a faded flannel shirt standing knee deep in a pile of fake chicken feathers. " None of us ever raised a chicken or even grew up on a farm for that matter. We don't know the difference between a hen or a rooster or what have you. Hey, this could be Josephine for all we know."

Whatever the case may be, Joe or Josephine, the chicken, will stand 16 feet tall, weigh 725 lbs and will require four muscle bound humans to enable it to strut its stuff. Constructed with an interconnecting network of aluminum struts, the chicken will require the insertion of over 650,000 feathers into its tightly stretched canvas skin. Neal is quick to remind us that the convention is still almost a year off.

"You know, the Mummers in Philadelphia start planning their costumes on Jan 2 so they'll be ready the following New Year's Day parade."

Asked how this most Trojan of chickens will possibly traverse the distance from Ithaca to St. Paul, Neal was quick to point out.

"We're not giving that information out. Do you really think we want the Secret Service and Homeland Security to know that? Be waiting in an ambush? For all they know, the Bird will get a ticket on Northwest Airlines."

Taking a quick bite of his mock Turkey sandwich, Neal reflected for a moment.

"You know, we're tired of the war in Iraq getting all the attention. Not that innocent Iraqi people don't suffer. Don't get me wrong. But there's a war closer to home. How about the millions of chickens that are being slaughtered so we don't have to eat hamburgers all the time?"



Friday, October 19, 2007
 

Funny Money

When Ez was visiting Milwaukee the other week, people would invariably ask him about Ithaca Hours whenever he told them where's he's from. No, dudes, don't look at your watch! You are in the Twilight Zone, incidentally, but that's a different story altogether (Rod Serling lived in Ithaca.) Ez is talking about Ithaca's own funny money, that tacky looking scrip people in Ithaca rarely see unless they ride bikes with save the tuna decals plastered on the bumper, shop at trendy, alternative places like the GreenStar and make enough money so they can afford to have a mission in life unlike the rest of us who are just focused on surviving the next NYSEG price boost. Hey gang, we may be burning Ithaca Hours to stay warm this winter. Maybe they're be a huge inflation like postWW1 Germany or present day Zimbabwe. Then we'll have wheelbarrows full of the shit to burn! More on that idea later.

Anyway, where was Ez now? Ok, Ithaca Hours. Introduced a decade ago by Ithaca's own renown anarcho-egoist, Paul Glover, who incidentally lifted the idea from that most capitalist of board games, Monopoly, Ithaca Hours has become one of i-town's leading exports. You say Moosewood Restaurant, people smile and say cheese dog. Only kidding! The Moosebox is world renown. Just because the inspiration for all those original down to earth hippie dippie community cookbooks, Mollie Katzen, sold out, moved to the West Coast to create new fondue recipes for Michael Jackson and Phyllis Diller, doesn't phase people when they extol the virtues of Moose Crate.

So Paul Glover moved to Philly to find new suckers for his health insurance ponzi scheme, and left us with this scroungy play dough. People in the outside world think, oh, shit, man, this stuff keeps value in the community, it says Fuck You to the big corporate banking interests, here's the flag finger, Chase Manhattan! What a laugh! What those fools don't know is that you can't buy an entire bagel in Ithaca with a pocketful of Ithaca Hours. That's right. Ithaca's merchants ain't no fools. They're not giving away free merchandise. Typically, and this is generous, merchants only accept half the retail in Hours. So half a bagel? Now figure if you work a miserable job, cleaning toilets for Indonesian graduate students up at Cornell (reverse globalization at work) and you walk in with your hard earned pay check and you can only buy half a Turkey sub at Shortstop. That's why the smart ass smarmy counter clerk tells you. If you want a whole Turkey sub, you need Ithaca Hours! Now is that incentive?

Now here's the kicker. Ithaca merchants, in turn, can't buy anything with the Hours they begrudgingly accept for half or a third of purchase price. They can't pay their NYSEG bill, can't pay their suppliers, the only thing they can do with it is to either buy advertising in the Ithaca Hours magazine or pay their friggin' staff with it! But Jason Fane, Ithaca's own beloved slum lord, doesn't take Ithaca Hours so if you're a barrista living with fifteen other barristas or Cornell dishwashers in some trailer in Varna that is owned by Fane Enterprises, you up the creek, man! Shit, is this sounding more and more like Zimbabwe all the time?




Well, the idiots in Milwaukee don't know that, so, the minute they started asking about Ithaca Hours, Ez went into his wallet and whipped out a wad of Hours. Hey, it was like wampum to these suckers. This is how the West was won! You give me Dakota, I give you these nifty beads, ok? When Ez told his listeners that Ithaca Hours were backed up by the Ithaca Reserve Bank, their eyes lit up. Well, the upshot of this is that Ez bought a restaurant in Milwaukee with his Ithaca Hours. Ez thinks he'll call it Skunk Wood, serve tofu cheese dogs with sprouts.

Next post: Ez tells you how to cause a county wide inflationary spiral that will drastically decrease even more the value of Ithaca Hours and hence reduce your heating bills this winter. 1 wheelbarrow of hours = 1/2 hour heat.



Friday, October 12, 2007
 

A Tale of Two Cities


Ez knows you've missed him. He's sure of it. Like all prophets without honor, or is that men without a country, Ez feels unloved sometimes, you know, worried about his ratings is what it comes down. Ez likes to think that, when there's any kind of gap between blogs, his fan base gets anxious and goes into withdrawal. Like they can't live without Ithaca Sucks. Sucks, Sucks, Sucks, we need Sucks everyday.


Truth of the matter is that Ez has been travelling. He's been visiting Milwaukee. You know, home of the Braves, beer capital of the United States. Milwaukee, matter of fact, shares a few things in common with Ithaca. Both Milwaukee and Ithaca have had Socialist mayors. Remember Ben Nichols?


Some people would like to forget Ben. (Carolyn Peterson, for one. Since just about anyone, including Jeffrey Dahmer, would be a better mayor than Carolyn so when anyone brings up her predecessors, she gets anxious,especially when any kind of comparisons are made. Carolyn makes any of the Ithaca's most forgettable chief executives seem memorable much the same way that George Bush makes Warren G. Harding look like a Pillar of the Republic.) Probably a lot of Socialists would like to forget Ben Nichols because Ben was pretty much a Socialist in name only. He didn't distribute the means of production to City Workers, didn't declare a Commune, didn't raise the red flag over City Hall, didn't collectivize the tofu makers. Ben spent endless hours in meetings, talking about the Octopus. The Octopus, as you recall, was the subject of an earlier blog.

No, that's not a picture of Ben in the right hand corner. Everyone recognizes the iconic serial killer gawkiness of Jeffrey Dahmer, right? Ain't it amazing? How the most humanly repugnant individuals are the most instantly recognizable? Adolf H, Charlie Manson and Jeffrey, of course. Most people today wouldn't recognize Jonas Salk if he walked into Collegetown Bagels on a busy weekend, but Jonas Salk invented a vaccine for polio that saved millions of children from contracting the crippling disease. Jeffrey Dahmer ate 17 human beings and he's easily identified as a celebrity killer by millions world over.


Milwaukee is, of course, the home of Jeffrey Dahmer. He lived up there in the north central. Milwaukee isn't proud of the fact that it was hometown to a notorious cannibal. Ez was wondering if there was actually some kind of museum dedicated to Dahmer but, of course, there isn't. How strange, Ez thought. Thousands, even hundreds of thousands of tourists might pile into Milwaukee to visit a Jeffrey Dahmer museum. With cities all over the US in the red due to the rising costs of protecting the Homeland, hosting republican national conventions, rebuilding infrastructure, you'd think that Milwaukee would welcome the influx.
Hey, people still visit New York to see the ghoulish wax figures in Madame Tussad's. Folks climb up the stairs of the Tower of London to see where Richard III imprisoned the princes. People have a morbid curiosity for those kinds of things, let's face it. Even little Ithaca capitalizes on the mad genius Ruloff. There's a Ruloff's bar in Trumansburg and the evil savant's brain is swimming around on display in a jar somewhere up at Cornell.

Incidentally, did you hear that one of the two cops from Milwaukee who came upon one of Dahmer's victims who had somehow escaped, and was running around naked and dazed with a drill bit indentation in his temple through the streets, and returned same to Dahmer's apartment for eventual consumption, is applying for Chief Singer's job. Hey, you can't rise through the hierarchy in Milwaukee with a rap like that over your head. But Ithaca, New York is another story...........


Maybe Ithaca could develop a Fay Gukakis museum? The horror, the horror. Do you think that anyone would come?