Ithacans Plan to Disrupt RNC with Giant ChickenA group of Trumasburg activists have a treat in store for Republicans planning to attend next September's National Convention in St Paul, Minnesota. As Rudy Guilaini, Mit Romney,John McCain and a whole host of Ike wannabes vie for the nomination to replace the Man from Crawford, the surprise choice to rule the roost may be a giant chicken all the way from that progressive Eastern hen yard, Ithaca, New York.
If this bird were griddled for McNuggets, you could probably feed the Twin Cities. To even neutralize a hormone chomping poulter-giant like the one you'll see in a year strutting down Hennipen Street in St. Paul, that is, if all goes according to plan, you'd need a unit of the National Guard equipped with some state of the art firepower. But, then again, we're not talking about a real chicken.
"The abuse and exploitation of chickens never makes it to the table." Neal Hauser pauses, thinks for a second about what he just said, and chuckles. "Well, chickens actually do make it to the table in great quantities and those Republicans will be serving up their share. But who stands up for the lowly chicken in our society? "
This chicken, laboriously being hatched, so to speak, in an old barn a mile down the road from Trumansburg, a quaint throwback to the hippie subculture, will be able to stand up for himself. Or is that herself.
"Jake over there is reading a book on chicken gender." Neal points to a tall fellow with a steel grey ponytail wearing a faded flannel shirt standing knee deep in a pile of fake chicken feathers. " None of us ever raised a chicken or even grew up on a farm for that matter. We don't know the difference between a hen or a rooster or what have you. Hey, this could be Josephine for all we know."
Whatever the case may be, Joe or Josephine, the chicken, will stand 16 feet tall, weigh 725 lbs and will require four muscle bound humans to enable it to strut its stuff. Constructed with an interconnecting network of aluminum struts, the chicken will require the insertion of over 650,000 feathers into its tightly stretched canvas skin. Neal is quick to remind us that the convention is still almost a year off.
"You know, the Mummers in Philadelphia start planning their costumes on Jan 2 so they'll be ready the following New Year's Day parade."
Asked how this most Trojan of chickens will possibly traverse the distance from Ithaca to St. Paul, Neal was quick to point out.
"We're not giving that information out. Do you really think we want the Secret Service and Homeland Security to know that? Be waiting in an ambush? For all they know, the Bird will get a ticket on Northwest Airlines."
Taking a quick bite of his mock Turkey sandwich, Neal reflected for a moment.
"You know, we're tired of the war in Iraq getting all the attention. Not that innocent Iraqi people don't suffer. Don't get me wrong. But there's a war closer to home. How about the millions of chickens that are being slaughtered so we don't have to eat hamburgers all the time?"
Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 5:57 AM
