Corporate SponsorSeattle has Amazon and Starbucks, Cincinnati has Proctor & Gamble, Redmond can boast that it’s home sweet home to Microsoft, Minneapolis has Wells Fargo, St. Louis drinks Budweiser and folks walk around very carefully because of the big horses that crap on the sidewalk and deliver the beer, Houston is home to big oil and JR Ewing. And Ithaca is home to, uh, uh, uh, the Ithaca Brew Company, uh…………….
Well, all that's about to change. Fresh from her election victory, Chairman Peterson, oh did you know they fiddled with the city charter? Yep, we no longer have a mayor and city council. We have a soviet. But that's another blog altogether,
So guess who's coming to town? Ithaca's newest corporate neighbor? No, it's not Google, they can hardly find the place let alone move here. No, it's not French's mustard because Ithaca don't cut it, haha, bad joke, it's a disease actually, the compulsion to tell bad jokes, something pressing against this part of the brain or other. They CAT-scanned the brains of comedians who didn't make it to the finals of Last Comic Standing. There's definitely something there, it shows up orange on the scans, looks like a peanut or it could be a cork.
And no, it's not a tire company even though a blimp would look good hovering over Cayuga Lake.
Actually, Ithaca will be the new corporate headquarters of a firm that has been quite a bit in the news lately.
Yep, you haven't guessed it. The Blackwater Corporation, America's largest private security contractor. Quick Draw McGraw comes to I-town. Thanks, Carolyn, I'm sure that will go over big with the liberals. But, then again, it doesn't matter anymore, does it, because you're in there for the next..........lifetime. Read the fine print on the city charter bozo. And call her Il Duce, will you. She likes that.
Come on, I-town, think of the synergy here. Ithaca is perfect for the world’s biggest security company. We have lots of space for firing ranges, country roads for testing half tracks and bullet proof limos, and, boy, do we have privacy galore. Private enough even for torture centers. And gorges, yes, gorges, think waterboarding.
And there's a major university near by from which to recruit analysts, top level management, scientific know how. Dr. Pain will drive you insane.
And, according to one of those glib business forecasters on MSN, real growth potential! One out of 4 Americans is employed in what is euphemistically called the Guard Industry. Yep, the US is right behind Greece as the world’s largest employer of private dicks, the largest private security contractor, panopticon producer, prison industrial complex biggie, etc etc. Yep, Greece, think Colonels, Spartans, military juntas. And you thought Greece gave the world democracy and the discus.
We are gonna be the mercenary capital of the world, I-town. Break out the camouflage., the AK47’s, maybe even Mayor Peterson will hire a body guard now that Blackwater is moving to town. No telling when a Republican will try to get too close to City Hall.
Hey, maybe we’ll get a prison next.
Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 1:21 AM
