How Green Was My MoneyIthacans have always been in the forefront in finding news ways to exploit human gullibility and make money. In fact, you might say, Ithaca is the capital of Green capitalism.
Look at the Ithaca Farmer's Market, for instance. Throw up a 100 ft. lean-too, provide some parking, hire a fiddle player or two and watch young yuppies pile in to Market, twelve Volvo's abreast, every Saturday and Sunday in search of the elusive organic pumpkin or genetically unmodified pepper,as they shell out beau coup bucks for measly specimens of horticapital, and leave their money behind knowing that they have helped to save the planet. Organic shamantic, how does anyone know, for crying out loud, what's organic or genetically modified these days? In France, pigs can find truffles but do you think that, in 21st Century America, the average office worker can identify organic rhubarb? Give Ez a break.
You might say that Jake Fuggerhorn is a bright example of Ithaca's brave new generation of Green Capitalists. His business, Man on the Moon, is located off of Rt 79 near the town of Caroline.
Jake has tried a lot of different trades. He's been a truck driver, an accountant,a paralegal, a real estate dealer, a trash hauler. You name it, Jake's tried it. Jake never saw an 800 number advertised on TV for new ways to make money that he hasn't called. Like most Ithacans who don't work for one of the colleges, Jake has had to be an opportunist just to survive.
Then one day Jake read an article in the New York Times about young urban couples trying to 'reduce their carbon footprint.' Hmmmmmmm, Jake said, very interesting. No disposable diapers for the kid,eh, no toilet paper????? Jake filed that bit of information away until one day he was walking in a neighbor's back yard, you know, the kind of backyard you find all over rural America, piled high with old automobile bumpers, maybe even a rusting Desoto serving as an ersatz planter, odds and ends of lumber, plumbing supplies, etc. etc. Then Jake saw it, admittedly a little dilapidated, out of vogue, a vestige of the past and, as it turned out, a portent of things to come. We're talking about an old style wooden outhouse with a moon shaped window carved into the door.
Smelled authentic too, Jake discovered, as he poked his head inside. But, right there on the spot, Man On the Moon was born. Jake's wife, Tina, actually came up with the name. Now, instead of struggling to earn his next buck, Jake's capital flow is assured, that is, as long as people still crap and dream of a better world. Because, for a mere $750.00 Jake will deliver and install a custom made, pine, walnut or maple, your choice, country outhouse.
Yep, no more wasteful flushes diminishing the world's dwindling supply of H2O, no more squeezin' the Charmin (oh, did Ez forget to mention that Jake also provides his customers a mountain of corn cobs. Plenty of those around, you know.) Now you can create your own fertilizer, save valuable natural resources and be in vogue , a part of the wave of Green chic that is changing how people live. Sorry, Martha Stewart. You're old hat.
Jake's biggest customer, actually, is EcoVillage, Ithaca's own trendsetting Green yuppie enclave. Yep, Jake's right proud of his latest installation up there in Granolaland. Drive up and check it out.
Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 4:37 AM
