landslide Dateline: Ithaca, New York
In a stunning upset rivalling the Dewey-Truman election of 1948, shadowy write-in candidate Ezra Kidder today defeated the Democratic incumbent Carolyn Peterson by 12 votes, making him the next mayor of the City of Ithaca.
Moments after the final tally was flashed to Dem headquarters in the plush ballroom of the Seneca Hilton, strategists for Mayor Peterson were calling for a recount. The Ithaca Sucks news team has now projected that out of 36 votes cast, 24 were write-ins for political unknown and maverick blogger Ezra Kidder who, like his opponent, never botheed to campaign outside the comfort of his own living room. The low turnout may have been due to a combination of voter apathy and the strong Tuesday lineup of shows on TV.
"The voters have spoken," Ez immediately emailed. "Liberal Stalinism is a thing of the past. Kiss the prunes goodbye."
Kidder promised that, after inauguration, his first order of business would be to quadruple what the City charges Cornell University for services, enabling I-town to roll back its sales tax and, in Kidder's words, "kick the big boxes out of town, fill all the potholes, and have a little left over for one hell of a party."
Ithaca's Democrats were stunned, and could be seen wandering aimlessly around the Peterson campaign headquarters, or hunched over their laptops googling
Ithaca Sucks, seeking some clue to their political future.
"Maybe Burlington, Vermont has a nice co-op and a good housing market," One prominent Peterson supporter could be overheard remarking to a colleague. "It's been a long run here in Ithaca. But the skinny blogger has finally sung."
Oh, if were only so.
Comments invited at: ezrakidder@gmail.com - Peace, Ezra at 4:24 AM
